Lately, I’ve been getting lots of “thanks for interviewing, but we’ve decided to pick another candidate…..” emails. It’s hard not to take rejection personally, but in reality, life if FULL of rejection…..from relationships, jobs, promotions…..the list goes on and on. You just have to get used to it and move on. How do you deal with rejection? I tend to mope around for a little bit and then try and make myself feel better by saying “they don’t know what they’re missing…it’s not me it’s THEM” and then I half ass believe what I’m saying to myself and then move on to the next job, relationship, etc…. whatever it maybe. Rejection makes you stronger right? It never feels like it in the moment.
A+D
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A Girl & Her Dot 
Nope, it never does feel like ‘this is how it should be’ when you get rejected. AT ALL. I was terminated from a job once and I thought: What?! I did nothing wrong! I was awesome!… and I got really angry for one day. I vented about 20 different ways. Then I made SURE to super actively look for jobs the next day. I applied for EVERYTHING. And wouldn’t you know I got a job where 1) they loved me and thought I was amazing (which really only makes you want to be more amazing, right?) and 2) paid twice as much. So yah. I’m THRILLED I got terminated. Also, because they didn’t pay my last paycheck, ignored my letters, phone calls and the one stop by when I returned my uniforms, the state made them pay me not only my last paycheck, but over $4K in compensation (CA law. You get penalized for every day you don’t give someone a paycheck, and because they NEVER paid it, and I had loads of documentation.) And I could have gotten more, believe it or not. That was the first number on the table. And I wanted it done. The “HR manager” was thoroughly embarrassed having to deal with this in front of her boss and that made me blissfully happy. You don’t just not give someone their last paycheck! Duh! What a surprise that after working there for 10+ years, within two months, she was no longer employed there and had ‘retired’. Uh huh. Living well and loving yourself well is the best revenge.
Funny story about that last paycheck is that I asked the opinion of at least a dozen friends. They ALL told me NOT to pursue the last paycheck and that it was just a a ‘few hundred dollars’ and I would be blackballed (really?) for it. All I can say is that you have to sometimes follow your inner voice. Outside opinion is good, but sometimes you just have to stand up and do it yourself.
I also always think about JK Rowling whose Harry Potter book was rejected at least 40+ times from major publishers and other outrageously successful individuals who had similar rejections and massive failures. If you watch Oprah’s tv series ‘master class’ when she interviewed Simon Cowell (who I wanted to hate,) I found out that he made some massive errors and ended up bankrupt and moved in with his parents for a while. And so on. There was a recent Oprah issue which had a great article which specifically dealt with that, go to her website and type in ‘rejection’ and see what pops up! I am not naturally a resilient person, so I value that trait highly and strive to be so and love hearing about how other people overcome hard times. Focusing on what other people did, how they got up and brushed themselves off, many many many times, helps me.
Sometimes getting an outside opinion helps. A fresh eye. Have someone experienced (key) review your resume and package, etc., give some ideas, and so on. Think of it as one of those ‘makeovers’ where you’re getting a bit out of your comfort zone and trying something new. Sometimes it really works out. And, like I said above, sometimes you have to ignore what they’re saying, and use your own logic and follow what you believe in.
The author of the book (and The Help) was not only rejected about 60 times (and she rewrote it many times,) but even her friends stopped supporting her and told her to drop it as did her husband. She actually would lie to her husband in the end, go to a hotel, and work on the book. Ok, this is a bit extreme, but she apparently felt very passionately to get this story out of her, and in the end, her determination and persistence clearly paid off. Here’s a link to a summary of the Oprah article I read! http://www.oprah.com/blogs/The-35-Second-Aha-Moment_3
So… I hope this gives you some inspiration and energy. I think its ok to give yourself time to pout and grieve, and yell “YOU IDIOTS!” and stuff like that. But then get back in that game. Get back up. Get even more crazy. Ask friends for help. Think outside the box. Then think outside of that box too! And know that it WILL work out. And be sure to give yourself some time to ‘recharge’ and get that energy back up and tweaked positively. I am having a ROTTEN week, but at lunch, before reading your post I thought: ENOUGH. And got back in the game. And I hope this helps too. I LOOOOVE reading your posts and rarely comment, so thank you for all your wonderful posts! I’m down south of you, and those LA eateries you review make me scream ‘road trip!’ all the time! Take care! Keep going!
I am so afraid of rejection that I am paralysed into being stuck. I know the frustration of applying for jobs….sent 4000 applications once & they seemed to just go into a black hole. Or I got interviews where the interviewer only started looking at my resume when I arrived and then told me right then and there that I wasn’t suitable….they really don’t respect your time….
Donuts make you stronger.
Holy crap! Whoever Kelly is, she wrote a book!